Thursday, June 25, 2009

Freak show girl

I love the passage in Daniel 3 when the 3 friends (names toooo long to write out!) defy the King (again loooong name) and get thrown in the fiery furnace. It's been a key scripture for me. A visiting pastor did a brilliant sermon on it years ago that impacted me hugely. The "even if" sermon. Even if God does not come through ( and we know He can) we will still love and honour and serve Him.

God spoke to me after that sermon about the end part. Where the 3 friends leave the furnace without even the smell of the fire on them. God said I would end this trial without the smell of smoke. And I have. I am not bitter, angry, resentful or fearful about what we have walked through. I carry none of it.

But I am changed. We are different in so many ways. God used this journey to forever alter the way we think and act. It's a good change.

So it comes as a bit of a shock when you find out that others view your journey as less than perfect! As a bit yucky. Well, as something to be run from (screaming into the hills) in fact. A life journey they would do anything to avoid...

Infertility is hard but I didn't think it was that ugly. It makes me feel a bit like a freak. Like I have grown two heads in a way.

I think there is a beauty in what we and others have gone through. A different beauty and in some ways a terrible beauty but it's still beautiful. And I know who thinks it's beautiful. Him. Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder, it's true.

Life should change us and often what changes us is the hard times. So maybe I should take pride in being a freak show girl. One that God Himself has moulded and changed. So what if I have two heads? I can have two different hair styles and two different hair colours. That's got to be a good thing!

apple of my eye signature

1 Comment:

Simoney said...

Sammy I would definitely not call you a freak show of any kind. I totally see the beauty that has been developed in you through this; you are softer, warmer, more joyful, more compassionate... I could go on; you have always been special, but now you have this depth in you because you HAVE walked through the fire and come out the other side without the bitter smell of smoke. I think what people would run screaming to the hills from is the PRICE, the COST and the PAIN. True depth and wisdom and soul-beauty like you have begun to develop through your pain is something which only comes through hardship. You can't get it any other way. And that SCARES people who maybe hanven't waked through something yet. But I think at some point we ALL have SOMETHING we must fight our way through; its different for us all; and whether we come out stinking and singed or glowing and purified is down to our response. Luv you so much. You are anything BUT a freak show girl!