God is funny...again

In the middle of the insanity of the last 3 days worth of deadlines, I had another meeting. Afterwards we stood outside the building chatting. The two men I was with know a lot about the property industry and I know....very little. I mean, I know a lot, but not about forecasts and analysis' and numbers and such like. As they bandied numbers and issues and opinions around, I felt like I was about 3 years old. They would look at me occasionally for an opinion and I think I said "Gah."

I am supposed to know stuff like that now. I OWN a design company for heavens sake. I am a director (two directors and no staff- haha!) ... and directors know things. Them's the rules.

I was never Miss Analytical. Ever. When pitching for work, I was the one that got called in when they needed a creative edge. Or someone who could be friendly and build a rapport. I never dazzled anyone with my inside knowledge of what deals are going down where and who knows who and how much that cost. Ever.

I am the person who sees the pattern (you know those black and white silhouette pattern things) no-one else sees and THEN sees what everyone sees. I think with the other side of my brain- can never remember if it's left or right! I am a creative. Not a logical, analytical guru.

So this is funny and very uncomfortable. As I tried to say as little as possible at the end of that meeting, and smile a lot I could feel my mouth shaking. With sheer nervousness. I was thinking "WHAT THE HECK?!?"

I was quite clear with God that this whole design deal was meant to be small. Non threatening and little. Easy, small jobs. We were not going to be a force in the design industry. I wanted to remain friends with everyone and not take work off anybody......

The job we are working on at the moment is big. A big juicy job. And at this meeting they talked about putting us forward for another project 3 times as big as this one. Ok, that's HUGE.

How would we win it? I mean, hello? Who would I dazzle with my non-analytical brain? The CEO and the board? I think not.

And then I heard Him laughing again. It's not up to me. He wins the projects, he won the ones we have. Phew. And just maybe it's good for me to be this dependant on Him. To feel like I am 3 years old in meetings. It keeps me thirsty and hungry for His leadership and wisdom and analytical knowledge.

God is funny. Again. But super cool and very smart too.